Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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