your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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