I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
