I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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