She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
