my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this beer tastes like vomit already
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
