all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
