Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
