no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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