Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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