i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
