Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
