I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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