i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
