so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
