My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
