She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
PANTIES FOUND
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
