This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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