phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
