Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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