Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(917): View more from New York City

Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?

(212): View more from New York

Vagina

Fav 9 2685 1014
share tweet
(292): View more from

i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.

Fav 4 789 3601
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(216): View more from Ohio

dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

so im guessing thats a no.....

Fav 25 1542 3908
share tweet
(217): View more from Illinois

i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.

Fav 55 1346 4031
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(410): View more from Maryland

If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.

Fav 9 4006 1214
share tweet
(615): View more from Tennessee

I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

Fav 24 8003 1409
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.

Fav 16 4266 1902
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(613): View more from Ontario

NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER

Fav 10 685 1557
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed

Fav 0 456 578
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT