the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.