If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.