my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS