I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
