you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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