why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
