omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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