I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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