I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
