You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
