Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Text me some of your sweat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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