just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
