found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
