The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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