My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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