I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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