I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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