I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
