so that wasnt chicken after all
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
one might say we're banned from that church
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
