did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
