I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
