I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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