It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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