My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
