she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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