Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
