i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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