He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
