i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
