The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
