Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
