Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im holly from the hills drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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