Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
