But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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