How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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