I've blown a few things in my day
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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