My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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