i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
