I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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