remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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