bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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