I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
