If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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