This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
