Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
time to smoke my breakfast
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just gift wrapped bread.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
