I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
