I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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